Love/Hate

"We're all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding."
Rudyard Kipling, The Light That Failed

He smirked.


She blushed.


He did 'badtameez'.


Her eyes widened.


They were lovers, joined by their souls (as the romantics say). They had this aura, a little bubble, about them that everyone wanted to be a part of. It was an over flowing - even overbearing even, for some - love. It was beautiful and pure but at the same time it was suffocating and consuming. Their love was unique but entirely their own. Their own brand of love, if one wishes to call it that.


With this kind of love one would expect them to be acutely aware of every feeling that the other goes through. They were expected to be fully in-synch with each other.


Khushi was, of course, convinced of this romantic notion as she skipped along the corridors of AR in her brightly coloured saree and her head firmly in the clouds.


Arnav-ji had proclaimed to 'Lover her, damn it', after all. How could she simply not swoon at the possessive smouldering of his eyes and the rustic honesty of his voice? Ever since that portentous night her dhak-dhak hadn't seized!


She walked diligently up the staircase that led to his cabin thinking about jelebis and luncheons. Little did she expect the horror that awaited her. She wanted to ask him if he wanted to have lunch together. But everything faded as she took in the scene in front of her.
Arnav-ji holding the hands of Lavanya-ji.


"I love you."


"Oh ASR."


And she leaned in and hugged him. They didn't see her.


She immediately sprinted off, her eyes clouded with tears.


How could Arnav-ji do this to her? After all that they went though. No this time she would not forgive him. Not this time.


She grabbed an auto and went to Bua-ji's house ' no her house. Damned if she was going back to him.


--


Everything was set. The candles, the roses (from his own garden mind you), the soft music ' the perfect romantic set up for a perfectly romantic evening. Simple but elegant- just the way she wanted it.


He couldn't wait for his wife to turn up and the perfect 'O' shape her mouth would become when she saw the arrangements.


Then he heard it - the slight jiggling of the wind chime and felt a slight wind blow past him, he didn't even have to turn around to know it was her.


But there was no surprise on her face. Odd. Not to loose heart, he was sure the dinner and soft music would set the ambiance right.


"Khushi." Her name left his mouth as a gentle caress.


She stared at him and took her seat without acknowledging his greeting.


"Well?"


Curious.


But he took his seat anyway.


"So Khushi, how was your day?"


Her eyes snapped up to his with a searing emotion.


"Fine. Just fine."


Something was definitely wrong.


"Tum teek ho?" His hands immediately reached out to hers but she pulled it away.


"Bilkul."


He tried another tactic. This had to work.


"This pool side has so many memories attached to it don't you think?"


That's right he would remind her of happy things. That would cheer her up from her unusually gloomy disposition.


She stood up. Her nose flared and her eyes flashed. Something had snapped. He could feel it.
"Haan. Many memories. Like the time you almost kissed me and then left me here while you proposed to Lavanya-ji. Many memories indeed Arnav-ji."


He stood up alarmed and all his thought process left him as she began to talk. She talked and talked as she always did. He couldn't breathe.


"Or perhaps you mean the time where you threw me out in the cold. That was a fond day, wasn't it? The night we got married. Better yet, you mean the time when you told me I lured Shyam into falling for me and that I wanted him to lust after me, don't you? Yes very fond memories I have with this pool side."


She said more. She talked of video tapes and shoulder grabbing's, of threats and hurtful words. It was like he was floating above his body witnessing this scene without participating in it. He still couldn't breathe.


What had he done? He was a monster. This girl ' this beautiful, pure girl ' he had broken her. Only he could have done that. Break the unbreakable sprit of a beautiful, beautiful girl.


It felt like a thousand needles were pricking at his heart. No, this wasn't supposed to be how things turned out. Not again. Again someone he loved would leave him, never to return. Panic gripped his heart, but he couldn't move. He was rooted into place by her hammering words. How could he speak up against the wrathful smouldering of her eyes and crude honesty in her voice?
She finally stopped. And took in a long breath. She gave him a look of ' no it couldn't be, it couldn't possibly be hate, could it? Anger he could bear but not hate. That was too much.


"Ku.." He started.


She brought her finger up putting him to silence.


"Bas."


Was all she said. Then she turned away shutting the pool door behind her and then out of his room.


Out of his life? No it couldn't be. She wouldn't leave him, would she?


Genuine fear pulsed through his entire being. He felt cramped, suffocated.


A sharp pain shot through his hand. He slowly let go of the death hold.


The ring fell. It fell and rolled over- round and round till it fell with a splash into the pool. He watched it fall and then he staggered back trying to find his balance.


--


That had felt good. She hadn't even realised how much she wanted to say those things out loud. So much bottled up frustration. She was sure she had forgotten most of it but all the memories had stayed.


That included the good ones as well.


The way he removed the fairy lights off her. The way he blew the dust off her eyes. The way he kissed her on the cheeks. Hamare dhadkan ek ho jathe hai.


Her eyes slightly moistened.


Her phone rang and she took the call mechanically.


"Chamkili, ASR ne propose kiya kya? Did he do it? It was my training. He's so bad at this.. Khushi.. Khushi..? Are you there?"


No it couldn't be, could it?


What had she done?


The phone fell from her hands breaking into two.

Nafrat paas aane na de, mohabath door jaane na de.
Iss pyaar ko kya naam doon?