"Laugh at your problems, everybody else does."
2:00 AM, Still in bed
Can't believe that I actually slept through dinner. Now my stomach is grumbling. Why didn't Amma wake me up? I bet the entire family had lots to eat while I starve in despair.
The world is cruel.
The thing about waking up in the middle of the night is that it's so quite. And that's just a luxury, what with my constant chatter, Amma's rona-dona soaps and Bauji's loud voice. It's a miracle to find solitude in the Gupta household. But then again I always liked the loud and colourful. I want everything and everybody to be happy/cheery/dandy.
Payal is the only person in the household to have a perpetual calm demeanour. This is actually very surprising considering our family traits. I always tease her that she's adopted.
As quite as my sister is, she's also just as strong willed. She's one of those people who you know will make a difference in the world. Immediately after school she took up a job as a tutor for primary school children. My sister always liked teaching and she had a flair for it too. So much so that she recently got an offer to teach in a local school despite having no degrees. Makes me wonder how good she would have been with a degree.
That always makes guilt rise up to my throat. When Payal graduated we didn't have enough money to afford college education. But she never complained, she just took up the job and helped with the household. But then three years later with Bauji's promotion and a loan sanction they urged me to get a college education in one of the most pristine institutions in town. I declined of course, at first, stating that I too will work. But then my sister's words changed everything.
"Pagli, you have an opportunity many can only dream of. I have no regrets of not going to college because there was never a question of it, but with you, if you let this go, I know you will forever regret it. And Khushi one must never live with regret. You should grab what you have and run with it."
Yes my sister is wise beyond her years. But I always feared she grew up too fast.
I hope there will be someone in her life to bring back the child in her and treat her like the princess that she is.
2:30 AM, Still in bed
Oh Devi Maiya.
Now I am hungry plus I can't get to sleep. If I can't sleep I will end up thinking things which I clearly don't want to think. Like a certain ill-spirited teacher in an unwanted class.
Chocolate ice cream.
The new Budget plan.
World poverty.
Jelebies.
Two twos are four. Four twos are eight. Eight twos are sixteen. Sixteen twos are thirty two.
Crap.
I hate that class did I mention that?
HATE IT POWER INFINITY.
Stupid arrogant mentors and mean teachers.
I walked into class and sat in a relatively isolated bench towards the end of the classroom. Thankfully I wasn't late this time. I took out my small Canon digital camera and kept it carefully under the desk. It wasn't much as far as photography was concerned but it was all I had and really it's not worth it to buy all those hi-tech SLR ones. I just wanted to pass this class after all.
Everybody sauntered into class with their big gears.
I gulped.
Then he walked in. Arnav Singh Raizada. I wonder if his life intentions are to ruin mine. Laad Governor.
Everybody crowded about him. I bet he thrives in all the attention. They all rapidly talked about some technical terms.
What the eff is a Gaussian blur? I know what a blur is and I know what a gauze paper is. And what the hell is the point of blurring a photo? Isn't the whole point of buying a million bucks camera to take nice clean photos? Sheesh.
Then his eyes suddenly snapped up to mine as if he knew I was watching. He looked right into my eyes and I felt my cheeks turn warm. What the hell kind of reaction was that? I was so not going to let that ass backwards affect me. So I quickly broke the gaze and looked down. But that stupid blush still wouldn't disappear.
Must have been the cold AC air blowing right on my face. It's like the entire room was designed to torture me.
Then Mr.Sinnah walked in.
His lecture was something about manual focus and "the beauty it brought into photos". I hardly cared. Honestly I tried to pay attention but I only ended up dozing off again. Thankfully, due to my strategic last-bench-plan, I wasn't caught. Then he stopped talking so I immediately zoned in on him (I really didn't want to miss another assignment)
"Class I will keep a small doll on top of my desk. I want you guys to focus it manually and we'll move on from there."
I took out my camera and tried to do that. Apparently the camera mode should be changed to 'manual'. But of course I didn't know that as I wasn't paying attention. Ah I could see the little doll and so I clicked a picture of it. It was slightly blurred so I kept taking until one was perfect.
Everybody else seemed to be struggling with it. Then I instantly knew I was doing something wrong. Doom awaited me.
The Laad Governor was walking around the class telling people how to do it right, how to hold a camera and all those other things. Stupid guy, why couldn't he come to my place and tell me as well? I bet he wanted me to suffer. In fact I am pretty sure that's what he wanted because he once again looked at me and gave me a full blown smug smirk, as if daring me to ask for his help. I, in turn, gave him a Not-In-This-Lifetime-Buddy look. A poor decision on my part actually. Because suddenly,
"Miss Gupta, pray tell me what are you doing." Came Mr Sinnah's voice.
"Do you even know what a manual focus is?" He continued, surprisingly enough he didn't look angry, just resigned.
"Is that a point and shoot camera that you have?" Now I knew he was insulting me.
"Good God, how do they let people like you take these classes."
It was punch in my gut and I felt tears prick at the corner of my eyes. I willed myself not to cry. But I knew it was only a matter of time before the waterworks began.
I muttered a faint sorry.
"How will that help us in anyways Miss Gupta?"
"Arnav." He called out.
"She doesn't know a camera from a football. Please do something."
With that said he walked off and the entire class was looking at me, some were even laughing.
Arnav Singh Raizada came towards me and took a good look at me. Of course I was a bumbling crying mess by that time. Thankfully enough he was blocking the rest of the class' view plus they had all gone back to their cameras.
Tears just wouldn't stop. That was one of my annoying traits. I cried when I was angry. I cried when I was sad. I cried when I was humiliated. Damn tears. Of all the people why did he have be the mentor of the class?
"Are you done?" He asked me, as if weary of my tears.
"No I am not. Do you have a problem with it?" I adamantly asked.
"Crying is not going to help anything let alone teach you photography."
"Well who the hell is going to help me? I might as well cry"
"I will."
Came his soft reply. Well that managed to stop my crying as well my breathing. I was shell shocked.
"Stop gaping at me like a fish. Meet me at the tennis courts tomorrow at 4 and we'll see what we can do."
"Don't you have to practice tennis at that time?" Was my oh-so intelligent response.
"I am not going be with you hours on end silly girl. Maybe just for half an hour."
"Okay" That was the only thing I managed to croak out.
By that time the bell rang and he swiftly walked out. I still stood there with my mouth hanging open.
What the hell situation have I gotten myself into? This could only lead to a disaster. I am sure of it.
Yawn.
I guess I am sleepy now.
7:45 AM, Breakfast
Shit shit shit shit.
I overslept.
Must catch bus. Must catch bust. Must catch bus.
8:30, College Bus (thankfully)
I managed a marathon run to the bus stand and thankfully ended up catching the bus. Priya saw my dishevelled, panting form and let out a small laugh.
"Who's chasing you?"
"Time." Was my witty reply.
"So tell me: what's the story morning glory"
I retold all of the previous day's events. She was shocked but for different reasons.
"You get to spend half an hour everyday with Arnav Singh Raizada."
"Don't remind me. How much worse can my life get?"
"And all the other tennis players will be there as well."
That clicked a light bulb in me.
"Anil Shrama." Was my dreamy response.
"Yes him."
Then we both began to giggle.
12:50 PM, Lunch
What sort of hectic day was that? I didn't even have time to moan into this diary. Are the teachers trying to kill us or something?
Political Science was torture. We had some heavy discussion about world politics and the current Indian political system. I must admit the entire thing was pretty interesting. I learnt quite a bit. The class is difficult, but also has a lot to offer.
Then I had creative writing. We had to write a 2000 word essay in a one hour class. The topic, of course, had a lot to offer- The Ends Justify the Means or Not. So I managed to write it in time. I must add I was one of the few to do so. Yep I was very much smug .
Three cheers for me.
3:50, Girls restroom
Oh god oh god oh god
My tutoring session is now.
What the eff am I going to do? What if that Laad Governor does something horrible?
What if all this some sort of sick game of his?
Shit shit shit.
DOOMED.
5:00 PM, Home
I can't..
My breathing still isn't right...
Why the hell is my heart beating so fast?
Why the hell am I still blushing?
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